Sorry for neglecting you all!

Oops, been forgetting to post on here for a while, but I have been keeping a journal, so I'll fill you in with all the juicy news now. And to the people who are leaving comments about how acne is caused by diet and hygiene, you should be ashamed of yourselves for spreading false infrormation. If anyone is reading this and wants some real advice about acne, don't click on one of those comments links, go to your GP and they will tell you that's it's caused by comedones, which are basically little blockages in your pores and have nothing to do with what you eat or how often you wash your face. Have a look at this link to find out more http://www.dermnet.org.nz/acne/acne-vulgaris.html - it's a really great medically factual and unbiased site with clear information and they're not trying to sell you anything, unlike these other clowns leaving comments...

DAY 51

Argh, it's so annoying - my camera is broken! I have to send it off to fuji to get fixed. If anyone is considering buying a digital camera, don't get a fuji, they break after 18 months, without fail!

What's more annoying is that I am finally making some progress and I really want to show you all! My skin is starting to clear, I only have about 4 active but very small zits and my skin feels smoother and has a much better tone. If only I could show you! Amazing how much we rely on technology these days.

There seems to have been a spate of before and after photos on here recently and they are incredible! Really gives me hope for the future and makes me remember that it's all worth it. I wish I could be clear for Valentine's day, but I think that is a bit ambitious, so I am aiming for my birthday in March instead. When that comes around and I am a full quarter of a century old,I want to be able to look in the mirror and look like a sexy young woman, not a greasy teenager!!!!!

I was just wondering if I could scan my face...lol. Might work!

Haha...that totally doesn't work. Will have to think of something else!

DAY 53

OH MY GOD...

I'M CLEAR!!!

Yes, that's right folks, I currently have NO active zits. I am officially pimple-free, sans spots!

My skin feels lovely and smooooooooth.

I still have all the red marks and so on, but hey, what's a face full of smooth red marks after a lifetime of acne!?

The rash on my hands has gone, too.

Ooooh, I'm feeling gooooood. I have a deadline though, so will write more later!

BettyCherry xxx

DAY 54

Just been for my end of month 2 derm appointment and my dose has been doubled up to 60mg/day. I am really nervous about this, as the derm said it's possible that I will break out again, but we need to up my dose, or I will be on this stuff forever! It will be so frustrating to break out again just when my skin has cleared, but derm knows best!

She also mentioned that my cholesterol had got quite high, which I was really surprised about, because I eat really well. I cook dinner from fresh every single day and tend to stick to white meat and fish and I always have lots of veggies with it. I don't have a lot of creamy sauces or fatty foods. My derm said it was down to the drugs and she wasn't too concerned about it. High cholesterol runs in my family, so I guess it's unavoidable. I started out on 4.9 and went up to 6.1, so I wasn't exactly low in the first place!

So here is my month 2 rundown...wish I could show you pics, but my camera broke sad.gif

END OF MONTH 2

Wow, this month has totally flown by! Lots of changes this month...

SKIN CONDITION: i started the second month with some slight improvement. I no longer had the huge cysts from month one and I had less bumps on my skin, but more red marks from the initial breakout. Then my skin went through a couple of weeks of real stubborness and didn't change at all. I kept waking up with about 4 new zits, which took a couple of days to go down, only to be replaced by some new ones! But, in the last week, they have finally gone and I now have no active zits, just a mass of red marks which now have to fade.

SIDE EFFECTS: The dry lips have improved, with lots and lots of vaseline. I have a nightly routine of moisturising everywhere and putting a thick layer of vaseline on my lips, then by morning, they are much improved. I have found that most other lip balms actually make your lips dryer in the long run, but Vaseline is the best.

I developed a scaly red rash on the backs of my hands and on my forearms (pictures earlier in the log), which could be quite sore. This has been experienced by other people, so I wasn't overly worried. Lots of moisturising seemed to get rid of it, though make sure you don't use a perfumed moisturiser, as that made it flare up even worse!

Joint ache isn't so bad now, though my back does hurt a lot and gets stiff.

EMOTIONS: Quite a positive month, I think because I am starting to see results and that has really lifted my mood. Although, to look at, my face is really no better, it's easier to cover with makeup because the bumps and cysts have gone, which makes me feel much more confident in public. Yesterday I actually went and said hello to some people I kind of knew, instead of hiding like I would have a few weeks ago, so that has to be an improvement!

Overall, a great month. Now I am just really scared about month 3, because I am taking twice the amount of tane. Please spare me the breakout!!!!

BettyCherry xxx

DAY 56

So far the second "breakout" has been pretty minimal. Having totally clear skin was a real joy and it has been hard seeing a few zits pop back up, but they're really not that bad. They're small spots and not cysts and are easily covered up (compared to the recent ones!). Let's hope they stay that was.

I had a bit of a milestone on saturday night - i went out for the night with my hair tied back and felt pretty damn good! I wasn't worried about my skin at all, as I could easily cover the red marks on my face so that they weren't too visible. This was a real breakthrough for me. Even though my skin is still far from perfect, I was so pleased with the progress so far that I wanted to show it off! I'm really proud of myself for sticking with it!! Can't imagine what I will be like when I'm totallly clear. I'll probably walk around with no foundation, wearing a t shirt with "I'm not wearing foundation" on it.

So, this is great stuff in all. I am wondering though, if the 60mg is really kicking in yet, as I haven't noticed an increase in side effects, other than a bit of a constant, background headache.I would be so chuffed if I could sail through this last part of the treatment, but I have probably just cursed it by typing that...

Much luck and love to all,

BettyCherry xxx


DAY 58

OK, so the 60mg has definitely kicked in now - my nose looks like is has been sunburnt and is peeling like crazy and my chin is starting to do the same. I have had some new zits pop up, though they seem to go away again pretty quickly, but I have been keeping on top of my moisturising, so the eczma has so far stayed away.

The right side of my face is pretty clear at the moment and the red marks are definitely fading, but my left side has its own agenda and it's that side that has all the new zits. My hair is so ridiculously oil-free, I practically never have to wash it and when I do, it goes all fly-away. I need to do my roots and freshen up my colour all over, but I am scared to do it when my hair is so dry - any advice people?

My back and shoulders have had a mild breakout. They are always the last to clear, so I'm not worried about that. Plus I am used to covering them up.

All in all, still going strong. Keep the faith!

BettyCherry xxx


DAY 59

So this new 60mg dose is making my skin look TOTALLY shite again, which is soooo frustrating evil.gif

I know, I know, it has to be done. I remember writing in someone else's log that the more zits you get, the more crap comes out of your face and the more likely you are to stay clear for longer. I really should listen to my own advice.

Right now, I have a cluster of little cysts that have formed a kind of miniature one of those mega cysts I got in the first few weeks. Not fun - it really hurt when I woke up this morning. There are a few other medium sized spots that are quite painful on various places around my face, though all on my cheeks. Argh!!!! I'm spot treating them with a mild salicylic acid and zinc gel, just so they don't become too enormous.

My lips are really dry - swapped my vaseline for a different lip balm and it didn't work at all. Vaseline has to be the best thing - nothing else compares!

Boohoo. Feeling a bit sorry for myself.

BettyCherry xxx


DAY 64

Wow, I swear the days are speeding up! Today is a good day for skin. I have made some progress recently with less cysts, less pus-filled zits and less scabs and it's great to see them disappearing. Right now I probably have 3 active zits, only one of them being particularly big. Mostly, I am dealing with red marks that are left behind and I am sure they will take an age to clear, but they are much easier ro cover up than bumps. I have found that foundation just makes me look too made up and doesn't really cover the red marks too well, so I have started using an almay liquid cover up called "Amazing Last" and it has been a godsend. It has fantastic coverage and blends really well with my skin, so I don't end up with a face full of orange splotches! Not having to wear foundation feels great, too. Can't wait til I can go without makeup all together! Will that day ever come, I wonder? We can only hope...

The side effects are almost non-existent at the moment - either that or I have got so used to them I don't notice any more! I guess I still get achy more easily, but the dry lips aren't much of a problem since I started carrying vaseline around with me and using it all the time. The flaky skin has gone, too. I just use a tiny bit of Dove moisturiser about 10 minutes before I put make up on and that gets rid of it.

All in all, I am feeling good about my treatment. There's still a long way to go, but when you can see improvement, it doesn't feel so far away. I don't regret starting this one bit, even though it has been really really tough, because what always brought me down about my skin was the idea that at 24 I hadn't grown out of acne and nothing worked and I could see no way out of it. Now, even though it's been worse than ever, I know I am on the road to clear skin and that hope outweighs all the side effects.

I had an email from someone asking what products I use on my skin whilst on Roaccutane- here are the products I use and I have found them to be very good.

Simple Moisturising Foaming Facial Wash
Vaseline with aloe vera (don't bother with other lip balms, they all suck, trust me. Vaseline is the best and the only one that has actually helped my lips)
Dove rich moisturiser for the body
Dove facial moisturiser (only used when needed)
Boots Botanics exfoliating facial scrub - no chemicals, just granules. I use this occasionally, if I have a lot of flaky skin and it's nice and gentle.

That's about it, really. I really don't think it matters what you wash with, as long as it's gentle and isn't an "acne" face wash, as these often contain acid, which won't be nice on your skin while it is sensitive and will dry it out. Believe me, it won't need to be any dryer! One other thing I recommend is a gentle anti-dandruff or scalp-friendly shampoo, as your scalp can get flaky and an intensive conditioner for your hair. It gets very dry too, and I hardly ever have to wash mine any more, as it never ever gets oily. Very strange!

Anyway, best of luck to you all and take care,

BettyCherry xxx

Hello acne ridden world!

Yes, I'm back. It's been a couple of weeks, because I was moving house and had to get a new internet connection sorted etc. A suprisingly little amount has happened with my skin in that time. I was really hoping that I would be able to come back on here and say "I"m cured! It's a miracle!". But, woe is me, it's not really much different from the last time I was on here.

It's really frustrating, because every day I think "Oooh, as soon as those few zits clear up, I will be totally zit free!" That's if you ignore the millions of scars, red marks and scabs that are left behind of course. But every day, I wake up to find a few new zits. Not loads, but enough to stop me from being zit free. It's like the supply of crap to my skin is never ending. I mean, where the hell does it all come from!?

I have been really good at not picking recently, though I have found that I do it without even thinking and it seems that when I do pop one, by accident or otherwise, they never stop..erm..how can I put this...you know, leaking! Which is really bad, cos I have to hold something on said zit til it stops, so that it doesn't spread and cause a new zit.

I have had some developments, however, elsewhere on my body. I have developed a delightful red, scaly rash all over the backs of my hands and my forearms, which is just great :( I have heard other people talk about it before, so I hope it is just another one of those side effects that aren't that bad. I will attach some pics of the rash for your viewing pleasure! It kind of goes away a bit if I moisturise it, as long as I don't use a perfumed moisturiser - that makes it worse.

Anyway, I have makeup on right now so I won't do face pics - I'll leave them for another day. Hope everyone is doing well on their own journeys and remember to keep the faith!

BettyCherry xxx

END OF MONTH ONE

Just been for my derm appointment to look at my first month's progress. Wow, what a nightmare that was! I was in the hospital from 10.30am until 12.45! First I had to wait for a bloodtest, get that done, then wait another half an hour til I was called into another room - another 15 minute wait, then I was taken into another room, another 15 minutes and finally my doctor arrives. "Did you get a pregnancy test?" No! How was I supposed to know that?! So, off I go to be forced to pee into a cup while a nurse waited by a little window next to me - no pressure then. Then she took my sample and just left me there and I had to find out where to go. Then my derm finally came back after another 10 minutes..I won't bore you with the wait for the prescription, this is more than enough!

So, it turns out that when I had those big groups of zits that got together, that was very very bad and I should have been put on steroids to combat them. Nice of them to tell me that now. How the hell was I supposed to know that if they didn't tell me?! So, there's a tip - if you have a bunch of zits that group together to make one massive cyst, call your derm. If I am scarred for life now because of that, I will be so pissed off.

I always seem to underestimate how bad my skin is. Like when I started this blog I put "mild to moderate acne" and yet my derm said to be that I have "very severe" acne. I think it's because it looks so much better in the photos than it does in real life! She has decided to keep me on the low dose of 30mg, so that I don't get any more of those massive cysts - if I upped my dose, I would have another breakout, and would almost definitely get the mega cysts again. This means I will be on it longer than most, but I won't be too scarred or have to go on steroids. She said we might up my dose a bit further down the line, when my body has got a bit more used to the tane, then I won't get such a bad reaction. I totally trust her judgement, so I am fine with that. I'm glad really, as I'm not sure I could have coped with another breakout just when things were starting to improve.

The worst thing about the appointment was going out in public without makeup. People treat me really differently, with sympathy! It's like they look at my face and go "aww, oh dear. What a shame." I'm not kidding, they really do! The nurses especially. It's nice, but it makes me want to cry cos I start to feel all pathetic and sorry for myself lol...

Right now, my skin looks awful. I have quite a few manky spots with heads, lots of dry flaky bits and scabs, big red marks everywhere and general horrible tone. I have started to have a 1.5 litre bottle of water with me every day and I am trying to drink the whole thing throughout the day, to help rehydrate my body, keep my liver healthy and flush out all the toxins more quickly. I am doing everything I can to make this work, but I know I sitll have a loooong way to go. Another 4 months at least. But hey, I have done a month! That's pretty amazing! Let's do a rundown of the month...

SKIN CONDITION: The first 2 weeks were hellish - my skin broke out in huge groups of cysts that I now know should have been treated with steroids. Then I started to see a slight improvement with the size of cysts and number reducing. I even had 2 days without any cysts. This was shortlived however and a couple of cysts have since emerged, though not as large or painful as the ones in the first fortnight. I still have most of the blackheads I started with, though they are now more pronounced.

SIDE EFFECTS: The dry lips have been a constant annoyance, but no more than annoying. It's difficult to keep them moist, but I can deal with it. The stiff, achy joints have been the worst and this is still a problem at times. Headaches in the first two weeks, but these are now gone. My temper has become short, but this has also improved recently. I have a dry, itchy scalp wirth dandruff and my hair has gone flyaway because it is so dry.

EMOTIONS: Although it has been very difficult this past month and at times I have not gone out for a few days because I hated the way I looked, overall I have not been too bad. As a person with a history of depression and anxiety, I was worried about these effects, but so far I have not been unduly depressed. My temper has been a lot quicker than normal and I get annoyed and angry easily, but apart from that, I feel quite positive that I am doing something about my acne and am on the path to recovery.

Here are some pictures to show progress:





Now I think it's time to see some real improvement. Month 2 is supposed to be the turn around month for a lot of people, so I am really hoping it will be for me too.

BettyCherry xxx

plodding along...

DAY 25

Not much more to report. the new cysts seem to be subsiding again and I can't currently see any new ones appearing (touch wood). Skin is peeling quite a lot now, as if I have had sunburn a while ago. My nose is peeling and my cheeks are pretty flaky around the cysts. I'm still waiting for the blackheads to react in some way - I really want to feel like my skin is entirely clean by the end of this.

I have my first derm appointment since starting tane this friday. I really hope it goes well. Not sure whether I want my dosage upped or not - I have felt the side effects quite a lot just on 30mg! But, I trust my derm so I'll do whatever they think is best.

Anywho, there isn't much to tell, but here are some pictures. Don't know if there's much point posting them, but i said I would do it as regularly as possible, so here it is. *sigh*

By the way - is there anybody out there reading this? Make yourselves known if there are - be nice to hear from you all :)
BettyCherry xxx

Or maybe not :(

DAY 23

ARGH! I spoke too soon...

I have a couple of lovely new shiny cysts on my cheeks, one on each side. Though having said that, they seem to have already shrunk and they only popped up yesterday. So perhaps they will be short lived. Let's hope so!

I'm back on a bit of a downer today, probably because of the new cysts. I feel a bit strange though. Yesterday evening I was watching TV and I fell asleep, into a really really deep sleep. I never fall asleep during the day and it was strange because I don't remember thinking "oh i feel tired, I might have a nap" I literally just passed out and then woke up thinking "hmmm, what happened there?". I have also been finding it really difficult to get up in the mornings and have been sleeping a lot more than usual. Has anyone else experienced this or is it not connected to the tane at all?

I just want my skin to be better for my birthday in March. It would make me happy if I could go out feeling confident and maybe even wear a strappy or strapless top without having to find a way to cover up my back and shoulders (which also have acne). It's so annoying shopping for clothes when you have to stick to certain criteria: MUST cover shoulders and back. Along with the face, it makes getting ready to go out pretty fooking annoying.

- In general, my skin seems to be healing
- Leaving a thick layer of vaseline on my lips overnight seems to have improved the dryness
- Skin not too dry, just a little flaky in places; fine after gentle exfoliation (granules not chemicals) and moisturisation
- Joints very achy and get so stiff and painful if I sit still for any time
- Lots of little whitehead bumos coming up which I hope are on their way out!

Pics below..

BettyCherry xxx

cyst free...

Hey everybody,

This is so exciting! Even though my skin still looks pretty shite, I can definitely tell I am healing.

My lips, however, are getting more and more dry and I can't seem to get them moist any more. The lip balms I am using only seem to work momentarily and then they are dry again within minutes. They're pretty sore and flaky and look yucky. Any suggestions would be most appreciated.

I had this weird nerve pain in my shoulder last night, which was absolute agony. I have no idea if it was related to the tane, but it seems to be gone now.

So anyway, here are some pics to show you how things are progressing. Hope you are all happy and well.

BettyCherry xxx

is this the corner?

DAY 18

I can definitely see some improvement today. Well, I can FEEL some improvement. There appear to be no new cysts and no active older cysts, just healing cysts and my skin seems a lot smoother than before. This is great! OK, so it may not LOOK any better yet, but if I feel llike I am making progress, I can keep going. The achy joints have subsided, the dryness has calmed down and I don't feel too bad in general, though I am more tired than normal and my temper is definitely a bit frayed!

I had a dream last night where I met my cousin who has been on Roaccutane and in the dream, she still had spots and I was really gutted! I'm so hoping that this will be the end of my skin problems for good. I am really looking forward to wearing my hair back, going out without foundation, feeling pretty, being able to look someone in the eye when they talk to me and know they're not fixated by a giant zit on my cheek! Just feeling like a normal girl, with no "issues" about my face will be such a relief after all this time. It will be so liberating! Please let it happen to me...

I'm gonna post some pictures today, just because I feel like this might be a turning point and I want to record it. Maybe I am imagining it...

BettyCherry xxx