Journey to Clearsville

Sorry for neglecting you all!

2006-02-15T03:50:00.000-08:00

Oops, been forgetting to post on here for a while, but I have been keeping a journal, so I'll fill you in with all the juicy news now. And to the people who are leaving comments about how acne is caused by diet and hygiene, you should be ashamed of yourselves for spreading false infrormation. If anyone is reading this and wants some real advice about acne, don't click on one of those comments links, go to your GP and they will tell you that's it's caused by comedones, which are basically little blockages in your pores and have nothing to do with what you eat or how often you wash your face. Have a look at this link to find out more http://www.dermnet.org.nz/acne/acne-vulgaris.html - it's a really great medically factual and unbiased site with clear information and they're not trying to sell you anything, unlike these other clowns leaving comments...

DAY 51

Argh, it's so annoying - my camera is broken! I have to send it off to fuji to get fixed. If anyone is considering buying a digital camera, don't get a fuji, they break after 18 months, without fail!

What's more annoying is that I am finally making some progress and I really want to show you all! My skin is starting to clear, I only have about 4 active but very small zits and my skin feels smoother and has a much better tone. If only I could show you! Amazing how much we rely on technology these days.

There seems to have been a spate of before and after photos on here recently and they are incredible! Really gives me hope for the future and makes me remember that it's all worth it. I wish I could be clear for Valentine's day, but I think that is a bit ambitious, so I am aiming for my birthday in March instead. When that comes around and I am a full quarter of a century old,I want to be able to look in the mirror and look like a sexy young woman, not a greasy teenager!!!!!

I was just wondering if I could scan my face...lol. Might work!

Haha...that totally doesn't work. Will have to think of something else!

DAY 53

OH MY GOD...

I'M CLEAR!!!

Yes, that's right folks, I currently have NO active zits. I am officially pimple-free, sans spots!

My skin feels lovely and smooooooooth.

I still have all the red marks and so on, but hey, what's a face full of smooth red marks after a lifetime of acne!?

The rash on my hands has gone, too.

Ooooh, I'm feeling gooooood. I have a deadline though, so will write more later!

BettyCherry xxx

DAY 54

Just been for my end of month 2 derm appointment and my dose has been doubled up to 60mg/day. I am really nervous about this, as the derm said it's possible that I will break out again, but we need to up my dose, or I will be on this stuff forever! It will be so frustrating to break out again just when my skin has cleared, but derm knows best!

She also mentioned that my cholesterol had got quite high, which I was really surprised about, because I eat really well. I cook dinner from fresh every single day and tend to stick to white meat and fish and I always have lots of veggies with it. I don't have a lot of creamy sauces or fatty foods. My derm said it was down to the drugs and she wasn't too concerned about it. High cholesterol runs in my family, so I guess it's unavoidable. I started out on 4.9 and went up to 6.1, so I wasn't exactly low in the first place!

So here is my month 2 rundown...wish I could show you pics, but my camera broke sad.gif

END OF MONTH 2

Wow, this month has totally flown by! Lots of changes this month...

SKIN CONDITION: i started the second month with some slight improvement. I no longer had the huge cysts from month one and I had less bumps on my skin, but more red marks from the initial breakout. Then my skin went through a couple of weeks of real stubborness and didn't change at all. I kept waking up with about 4 new zits, which took a couple of days to go down, only to be replaced by some new ones! But, in the last week, they have finally gone and I now have no active zits, just a mass of red marks which now have to fade.

SIDE EFFECTS: The dry lips have improved, with lots and lots of vaseline. I have a nightly routine of moisturising everywhere and putting a thick layer of vaseline on my lips, then by morning, they are much improved. I have found that most other lip balms actually make your lips dryer in the long run, but Vaseline is the best.

I developed a scaly red rash on the backs of my hands and on my forearms (pictures earlier in the log), which could be quite sore. This has been experienced by other people, so I wasn't overly worried. Lots of moisturising seemed to get rid of it, though make sure you don't use a perfumed moisturiser, as that made it flare up even worse!

Joint ache isn't so bad now, though my back does hurt a lot and gets stiff.

EMOTIONS: Quite a positive month, I think because I am starting to see results and that has really lifted my mood. Although, to look at, my face is really no better, it's easier to cover with makeup because the bumps and cysts have gone, which makes me feel much more confident in public. Yesterday I actually went and said hello to some people I kind of knew, instead of hiding like I would have a few weeks ago, so that has to be an improvement!

Overall, a great month. Now I am just really scared about month 3, because I am taking twice the amount of tane. Please spare me the breakout!!!!

BettyCherry xxx

DAY 56

So far the second "breakout" has been pretty minimal. Having totally clear skin was a real joy and it has been hard seeing a few zits pop back up, but they're really not that bad. They're small spots and not cysts and are easily covered up (compared to the recent ones!). Let's hope they stay that was.

I had a bit of a milestone on saturday night - i went out for the night with my hair tied back and felt pretty damn good! I wasn't worried about my skin at all, as I could easily cover the red marks on my face so that they weren't too visible. This was a real breakthrough for me. Even though my skin is still far from perfect, I was so pleased with the progress so far that I wanted to show it off! I'm really proud of myself for sticking with it!! Can't imagine what I will be like when I'm totallly clear. I'll probably walk around with no foundation, wearing a t shirt with "I'm not wearing foundation" on it.

So, this is great stuff in all. I am wondering though, if the 60mg is really kicking in yet, as I haven't noticed an increase in side effects, other than a bit of a constant, background headache.I would be so chuffed if I could sail through this last part of the treatment, but I have probably just cursed it by typing that...

Much luck and love to all,

BettyCherry xxx

DAY 58

OK, so the 60mg has definitely kicked in now - my nose looks like is has been sunburnt and is peeling like crazy and my chin is starting to do the same. I have had some new zits pop up, though they seem to go away again pretty quickly, but I have been keeping on top of my moisturising, so the eczma has so far stayed away.

The right side of my face is pretty clear at the moment and the red marks are definitely fading, but my left side has its own agenda and it's that side that has all the new zits. My hair is so ridiculously oil-free, I practically never have to wash it and when I do, it goes all fly-away. I need to do my roots and freshen up my colour all over, but I am scared to do it when my hair is so dry - any advice people?

My back and shoulders have had a mild breakout. They are always the last to clear, so I'm not worried about that. Plus I am used to covering them up.

All in all, still going strong. Keep the faith!

BettyCherry xxx

DAY 59

So this new 60mg dose is making my skin look TOTALLY shite again, which is soooo frustrating evil.gif

I know, I know, it has to be done. I remember writing in someone else's log that the more zits you get, the more crap comes out of your face and the more likely you are to stay clear for longer. I really should listen to my own advice.

Right now, I have a cluster of little cysts that have formed a kind of miniature one of those mega cysts I got in the first few weeks. Not fun - it really hurt when I woke up this morning. There are a few other medium sized spots that are quite painful on various places around my face, though all on my cheeks. Argh!!!! I'm spot treating them with a mild salicylic acid and zinc gel, just so they don't become too enormous.

My lips are really dry - swapped my vaseline for a different lip balm and it didn't work at all. Vaseline has to be the best thing - nothing else compares!

Boohoo. Feeling a bit sorry for myself.

BettyCherry xxx

DAY 64

Wow, I swear the days are speeding up! Today is a good day for skin. I have made some progress recently with less cysts, less pus-filled zits and less scabs and it's great to see them disappearing. Right now I probably have 3 active zits, only one of them being particularly big. Mostly, I am dealing with red marks that are left behind and I am sure they will take an age to clear, but they are much easier ro cover up than bumps. I have found that foundation just makes me look too made up and doesn't really cover the red marks too well, so I have started using an almay liquid cover up called "Amazing Last" and it has been a godsend. It has fantastic coverage and blends really well with my skin, so I don't end up with a face full of orange splotches! Not having to wear foundation feels great, too. Can't wait til I can go without makeup all together! Will that day ever come, I wonder? We can only hope...

The side effects are almost non-existent at the moment - either that or I have got so used to them I don't notice any more! I guess I still get achy more easily, but the dry lips aren't much of a problem since I started carrying vaseline around with me and using it all the time. The flaky skin has gone, too. I just use a tiny bit of Dove moisturiser about 10 minutes before I put make up on and that gets rid of it.

All in all, I am feeling good about my treatment. There's still a long way to go, but when you can see improvement, it doesn't feel so far away. I don't regret starting this one bit, even though it has been really really tough, because what always brought me down about my skin was the idea that at 24 I hadn't grown out of acne and nothing worked and I could see no way out of it. Now, even though it's been worse than ever, I know I am on the road to clear skin and that hope outweighs all the side effects.

I had an email from someone asking what products I use on my skin whilst on Roaccutane- here are the products I use and I have found them to be very good.

Simple Moisturising Foaming Facial Wash
Vaseline with aloe vera (don't bother with other lip balms, they all suck, trust me. Vaseline is the best and the only one that has actually helped my lips)
Dove rich moisturiser for the body
Dove facial moisturiser (only used when needed)
Boots Botanics exfoliating facial scrub - no chemicals, just granules. I use this occasionally, if I have a lot of flaky skin and it's nice and gentle.

That's about it, really. I really don't think it matters what you wash with, as long as it's gentle and isn't an "acne" face wash, as these often contain acid, which won't be nice on your skin while it is sensitive and will dry it out. Believe me, it won't need to be any dryer! One other thing I recommend is a gentle anti-dandruff or scalp-friendly shampoo, as your scalp can get flaky and an intensive conditioner for your hair. It gets very dry too, and I hardly ever have to wash mine any more, as it never ever gets oily. Very strange!

Anyway, best of luck to you all and take care,

BettyCherry xxx

2006-01-26T07:00:00.000-08:00

Hello acne ridden world!

Yes, I'm back. It's been a couple of weeks, because I was moving house and had to get a new internet connection sorted etc. A suprisingly little amount has happened with my skin in that time. I was really hoping that I would be able to come back on here and say "I"m cured! It's a miracle!". But, woe is me, it's not really much different from the last time I was on here.

It's really frustrating, because every day I think "Oooh, as soon as those few zits clear up, I will be totally zit free!" That's if you ignore the millions of scars, red marks and scabs that are left behind of course. But every day, I wake up to find a few new zits. Not loads, but enough to stop me from being zit free. It's like the supply of crap to my skin is never ending. I mean, where the hell does it all come from!?

I have been really good at not picking recently, though I have found that I do it without even thinking and it seems that when I do pop one, by accident or otherwise, they never stop..erm..how can I put this...you know, leaking! Which is really bad, cos I have to hold something on said zit til it stops, so that it doesn't spread and cause a new zit.

I have had some developments, however, elsewhere on my body. I have developed a delightful red, scaly rash all over the backs of my hands and my forearms, which is just great :( I have heard other people talk about it before, so I hope it is just another one of those side effects that aren't that bad. I will attach some pics of the rash for your viewing pleasure! It kind of goes away a bit if I moisturise it, as long as I don't use a perfumed moisturiser - that makes it worse.

Anyway, I have makeup on right now so I won't do face pics - I'll leave them for another day. Hope everyone is doing well on their own journeys and remember to keep the faith!

BettyCherry xxx

END OF MONTH ONE

2006-01-07T13:20:00.000-08:00

Just been for my derm appointment to look at my first month's progress. Wow, what a nightmare that was! I was in the hospital from 10.30am until 12.45! First I had to wait for a bloodtest, get that done, then wait another half an hour til I was called into another room - another 15 minute wait, then I was taken into another room, another 15 minutes and finally my doctor arrives. "Did you get a pregnancy test?" No! How was I supposed to know that?! So, off I go to be forced to pee into a cup while a nurse waited by a little window next to me - no pressure then. Then she took my sample and just left me there and I had to find out where to go. Then my derm finally came back after another 10 minutes..I won't bore you with the wait for the prescription, this is more than enough!

So, it turns out that when I had those big groups of zits that got together, that was very very bad and I should have been put on steroids to combat them. Nice of them to tell me that now. How the hell was I supposed to know that if they didn't tell me?! So, there's a tip - if you have a bunch of zits that group together to make one massive cyst, call your derm. If I am scarred for life now because of that, I will be so pissed off.

I always seem to underestimate how bad my skin is. Like when I started this blog I put "mild to moderate acne" and yet my derm said to be that I have "very severe" acne. I think it's because it looks so much better in the photos than it does in real life! She has decided to keep me on the low dose of 30mg, so that I don't get any more of those massive cysts - if I upped my dose, I would have another breakout, and would almost definitely get the mega cysts again. This means I will be on it longer than most, but I won't be too scarred or have to go on steroids. She said we might up my dose a bit further down the line, when my body has got a bit more used to the tane, then I won't get such a bad reaction. I totally trust her judgement, so I am fine with that. I'm glad really, as I'm not sure I could have coped with another breakout just when things were starting to improve.

The worst thing about the appointment was going out in public without makeup. People treat me really differently, with sympathy! It's like they look at my face and go "aww, oh dear. What a shame." I'm not kidding, they really do! The nurses especially. It's nice, but it makes me want to cry cos I start to feel all pathetic and sorry for myself lol...

Right now, my skin looks awful. I have quite a few manky spots with heads, lots of dry flaky bits and scabs, big red marks everywhere and general horrible tone. I have started to have a 1.5 litre bottle of water with me every day and I am trying to drink the whole thing throughout the day, to help rehydrate my body, keep my liver healthy and flush out all the toxins more quickly. I am doing everything I can to make this work, but I know I sitll have a loooong way to go. Another 4 months at least. But hey, I have done a month! That's pretty amazing! Let's do a rundown of the month...

SKIN CONDITION: The first 2 weeks were hellish - my skin broke out in huge groups of cysts that I now know should have been treated with steroids. Then I started to see a slight improvement with the size of cysts and number reducing. I even had 2 days without any cysts. This was shortlived however and a couple of cysts have since emerged, though not as large or painful as the ones in the first fortnight. I still have most of the blackheads I started with, though they are now more pronounced.

SIDE EFFECTS: The dry lips have been a constant annoyance, but no more than annoying. It's difficult to keep them moist, but I can deal with it. The stiff, achy joints have been the worst and this is still a problem at times. Headaches in the first two weeks, but these are now gone. My temper has become short, but this has also improved recently. I have a dry, itchy scalp wirth dandruff and my hair has gone flyaway because it is so dry.

EMOTIONS: Although it has been very difficult this past month and at times I have not gone out for a few days because I hated the way I looked, overall I have not been too bad. As a person with a history of depression and anxiety, I was worried about these effects, but so far I have not been unduly depressed. My temper has been a lot quicker than normal and I get annoyed and angry easily, but apart from that, I feel quite positive that I am doing something about my acne and am on the path to recovery.

Here are some pictures to show progress:

Now I think it's time to see some real improvement. Month 2 is supposed to be the turn around month for a lot of people, so I am really hoping it will be for me too.

BettyCherry xxx

plodding along...

2006-01-05T02:32:00.000-08:00

DAY 25

Not much more to report. the new cysts seem to be subsiding again and I can't currently see any new ones appearing (touch wood). Skin is peeling quite a lot now, as if I have had sunburn a while ago. My nose is peeling and my cheeks are pretty flaky around the cysts. I'm still waiting for the blackheads to react in some way - I really want to feel like my skin is entirely clean by the end of this.

I have my first derm appointment since starting tane this friday. I really hope it goes well. Not sure whether I want my dosage upped or not - I have felt the side effects quite a lot just on 30mg! But, I trust my derm so I'll do whatever they think is best.

Anywho, there isn't much to tell, but here are some pictures. Don't know if there's much point posting them, but i said I would do it as regularly as possible, so here it is. *sigh*

By the way - is there anybody out there reading this? Make yourselves known if there are - be nice to hear from you all :)
BettyCherry xxx

Or maybe not :(

2006-01-03T05:28:00.000-08:00

DAY 23

ARGH! I spoke too soon...

I have a couple of lovely new shiny cysts on my cheeks, one on each side. Though having said that, they seem to have already shrunk and they only popped up yesterday. So perhaps they will be short lived. Let's hope so!

I'm back on a bit of a downer today, probably because of the new cysts. I feel a bit strange though. Yesterday evening I was watching TV and I fell asleep, into a really really deep sleep. I never fall asleep during the day and it was strange because I don't remember thinking "oh i feel tired, I might have a nap" I literally just passed out and then woke up thinking "hmmm, what happened there?". I have also been finding it really difficult to get up in the mornings and have been sleeping a lot more than usual. Has anyone else experienced this or is it not connected to the tane at all?

I just want my skin to be better for my birthday in March. It would make me happy if I could go out feeling confident and maybe even wear a strappy or strapless top without having to find a way to cover up my back and shoulders (which also have acne). It's so annoying shopping for clothes when you have to stick to certain criteria: MUST cover shoulders and back. Along with the face, it makes getting ready to go out pretty fooking annoying.

- In general, my skin seems to be healing
- Leaving a thick layer of vaseline on my lips overnight seems to have improved the dryness
- Skin not too dry, just a little flaky in places; fine after gentle exfoliation (granules not chemicals) and moisturisation
- Joints very achy and get so stiff and painful if I sit still for any time
- Lots of little whitehead bumos coming up which I hope are on their way out!

Pics below..

BettyCherry xxx

cyst free...

2006-01-02T02:37:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody,

This is so exciting! Even though my skin still looks pretty shite, I can definitely tell I am healing.

My lips, however, are getting more and more dry and I can't seem to get them moist any more. The lip balms I am using only seem to work momentarily and then they are dry again within minutes. They're pretty sore and flaky and look yucky. Any suggestions would be most appreciated.

I had this weird nerve pain in my shoulder last night, which was absolute agony. I have no idea if it was related to the tane, but it seems to be gone now.

So anyway, here are some pics to show you how things are progressing. Hope you are all happy and well.

BettyCherry xxx

is this the corner?

2005-12-29T03:36:00.000-08:00

DAY 18

I can definitely see some improvement today. Well, I can FEEL some improvement. There appear to be no new cysts and no active older cysts, just healing cysts and my skin seems a lot smoother than before. This is great! OK, so it may not LOOK any better yet, but if I feel llike I am making progress, I can keep going. The achy joints have subsided, the dryness has calmed down and I don't feel too bad in general, though I am more tired than normal and my temper is definitely a bit frayed!

I had a dream last night where I met my cousin who has been on Roaccutane and in the dream, she still had spots and I was really gutted! I'm so hoping that this will be the end of my skin problems for good. I am really looking forward to wearing my hair back, going out without foundation, feeling pretty, being able to look someone in the eye when they talk to me and know they're not fixated by a giant zit on my cheek! Just feeling like a normal girl, with no "issues" about my face will be such a relief after all this time. It will be so liberating! Please let it happen to me...

I'm gonna post some pictures today, just because I feel like this might be a turning point and I want to record it. Maybe I am imagining it...

BettyCherry xxx

the joy of tane

2005-12-27T13:52:00.000-08:00

DAY 16

My face is just so bumpy these days, it's impossible to really cover anything up. I can make it all look about the same colour, but the fact that parts of my skin are sticking out an inch from my face? No way. The scabs and flakiness I can kind of cope with - I just use some Palmer's cocoa butter before I put any make up on and I am using Almay's "skin stays clean" foundation, which doesn't clog the pores. It all goes some way to making it possible to go out, but I still don't feel like I could look anyone in the eye.

My boyfriend threw away my gentle face wash by accident, thinking it was finished with and all I had in my cupboard was an exfoliating face scrub, so I had to wash my face with that and surprisingly, it really helped. It isn't the kind that uses chemicals to exfoliate, like saylic acid or anything. It's just a moisturising cleanser with exfoliating granuals and afterwards, my skin felt pretty good. So now I am using a Simple moisturising face wash to remove my make up then a tiny bit of the scrub, and I very gently massage my face with it. it helps to get rid of all the old flaky skin and seems to speed up the healing process.

I seem to have loads and loads of tiny whiteheads just under the surface again. It's as if every pore on my face is bunged up with crap. Every square millimetre is either a blackhead, whitehead, cyst, zit or recovering scab. Jeez, it's fun.

Worst side effect today was the aching joints. WOW do they ache. I went out into town to do some shopping in the sales and by the time I got home, my knees were so painful I could hardly stand, my back was agony and even my hips and shoulders ached. It was pretty shocking. I do tend to get a bit achy anyway, but this was crazy.

So the rundown:

- Lots of scabs, flaky skin, whiteheads and blackheads
- Only (!) 3 active cysts that have any real "content"
- About 5 small zits
- Incredibly achy joints
- Dry throat, tired and dry eyes, lips
- Some lightheadedness

Oh the joy of tane.

BettyCherry xxx

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2005-12-26T11:16:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

I hope everyone had a most marvellous day...

DAY 15

Hey, my face isn't a huge mess of infected pus! Sure, there are places where there are still cysts, but mostly it is scabs, red marks and smaller zits at the moment, which believe it or not is a big improvement! I'm still finding that my throat is extremely dry and sore in the mornings and my eyes are a bit dry and get tired very easily, but the headaches seem to have stopped. The joint pain is still there, but only if I sit in the same positiion for a long time, so I just make sure I move around a fair bit. My lips are still dry, but not as bad as they have been. I discovered something that REALLY helps - forget lipbalms, get some palmers cocoa body butter and leave a bit out in the air and it goes a bit firm, then rub this on your lips like a lip balm and it sorts your dry cracked lips right out. Best thing I have found so far!

I am moisturising my face when it feels like it needs it with Vitamin E moisturiser from the Body Shop. It seems to do the trick. My scalp has got really dry and itchy and flakey, so I am using a medicated shampoo called Vosene. It stings a bit, but doesn't hurt.

All in all, I am beginnning to feel a bit more positive about the whole thing, simply because I woke up, looked in the mirror and for once, didn't look worse than the day before! Bring it on...

So, here are some pics of my skin today. Hope you are all well...

BettyCherry xxx

Where's the damn corner?!

2005-12-22T05:34:00.000-08:00

DAY 11

The huge group of zits under my bottom lip seem to be finally healing. They got really messed up and infected, but also dry, cos of the tane and it kept cracking and reinfecting itself. Mmmmmm.... But today it seems a bit less messed up, so it might be finally healing. For some reason, it's almost impossible to cover up my zits these days, partly because my skin is so dry that make up just looks gross on my skin. I know I shouldn't be cloggin up my skin as it's trying to purge itself, but there are so many things I have to do that involve going out into the world. I swear since my skin got loads worse, people have stopped looking at me. I was trying to explain to my boyfriend that usually, as a female, men look at you to see if you're hot and women do the same, to assess if you're a threat! Haha. But these days, people just glance and then look away...

I am still getting new zits most days, though they are quite small ones. I do have one that is threatening to become a cyst and I am trying my best not to pick at it, which is almost impossible for me. As soon as it has a head on it, I want to get rid of it, cos it looks gross. I must resist!

I have to go to a big family party tomorrow night, which I am TOTALLY dreading. It's all my boyfriend's family and I have managed not to see them since I started on tane, so they haven't seen my skin bad. And it will be in someone's house. In the light. Up close and personal. Argh! Someone tell me what I can do other than wear a mask. If only it were fancy dress...

So, in summary:

-Feeling very shit about myself in general and wanting to hide all the time.

-Skin looking really poo, with lots of spots and red marks and flakiness to go with it.

-Dry lips, dry eyes blah blah blah.

-Eating a lot more than normal, but that might be cos I am not going out!

-Larger cysts seem to be healing.

Not great, but nothing majorly bad there either. Like you all said, just need to keep on going and keep the faith!

BettyCherry xxx

End of week one

2005-12-19T05:12:00.000-08:00

Well, you think it can't get worse, but then you go and amaze yourself.

DAY 7

Lots of big, horrible cysts and hundresa of whiteheads and general bumps. Blackheads all appearing and skin generally looking like absolute shite. Flaking in parts. Lips actually fell off they are so dry. Yuck yuck yuck.

I have read so many logs of people that have been here and have come out the other side. Yet somehow, it becomes harder and harder to remember them when you look in the mirror every day and look worse than the day before. I know it will get better. I know you have to go through this stage to get clear, yet somehow, I don't think I quite believe it.

Have had a couple of really bad headaches on the tane, the general dryness and sore joints, but nothing too major. I think the major symptom has got to be my mood and my self esteem. I am literally starting to wish I was invisible and I rarely leave the house unless I have to, because I cannot cover these things up any more.

Still have new spots appearing pretty regularly and they are just as big as ever, if not bigger.

Come on tane, give me a break here!

So I'll post some new pics. They are pretty horrendous, so brace yourselves.

BettyCherry xxx

Day 5 update

2005-12-17T08:44:00.000-08:00

Day Four:

Well, this morning the spot orgy seems to be over. It's still there, just doesn't seem to have much substance to it. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't vanished, just not as big and I don't think there is a much gunk in there. Yum...

Woke up with new spots, just like every day, but they aren't very big. Just teeny little ones on my chin mostly. I seem to have quite a few whiteheads popping up, but I have to say, I can't see any new major spots. All the old ones are still there. Perhaps I will post some more pics and see if it looks any different..

Day Five:

Eeeeeewwwwww! I was wrong about that spot orgy. It exploded yesterday quite dramatically, just before I was supposed to go out. So, I stayed in and cried instead... boohoo.

My skin actually seems less dry now, which is strange. I guess my body is learning to deal with the tane. I hope it hasn't outsmarted it already! i can't really see much difference in my skin at all today. I still have some active spots, I have a lovely big scab where the exploding orgy was and lots and lots of whiteheads everywhere. Not much of an improvement, really. Yeah, I know, I am only on day 5. But, you know, you get your hopes up...

Last night, when I got upset, I did notice I got upset a lot more easily than usual and with some drama. I guess maybe the tane is affecting my moods a little bit, but as long as I am aware of that, I can deal with it. It's giving me headaches every day, but they aren't too bad, I can cope with them and I can take some pain killers. Just hope I can keep going without hating my face too much. Supposed to be going to my boyfriend's works do tonight and I feel disgusting. Bring on the violins!

BettyCherry xxx

where did my moisture go?!

2005-12-14T15:35:00.000-08:00

Hey all

Had a slight disaster where I spilt water all over my keyboard, but back on it now! This is my third day on the tane and nothing much has changed. I seem to be getting more spots, which I was geared up for, so I'm not too upset (though you always kind of hope you'll be in the tiny percentage that gets away with it). The skin all over my body is really dry and feels kind of thin and...papery I think is the best way to describe it. Like it's really delicate and could tear easily. My lips aren't too dry though (my lipbalm must be doing the trick), and weirdly, the skin on my face is still oily, but is starting to flake in places, too. My eyes are pretty dry and sore, so I think I should get me some of those natural tears eye drops thingamys.

I have this one thing which is kind of a spot orgy on my cheek - about 3 of them got together and decided to get messy. So, that looks pretty gross and is really quite painful. It seems to be quite deep too, and I have been keeping an eye on it to see if it's making its way out, but I haven't seen much progress yet. I have lots of smaller spots coming up around the usual places - cheeks, chin, jawline...hell, everywhere, really! I also seem to be getting quite a few around my mouth, especially under my nose. They kind of itch a bit, too, but only every now and then, not all the time. Oh, and some real beauties have popped up on my back and shoulders too, just in time for the party season!

The thing I noticed most yesterday is that my joints were really stiff and achy. I was sat on the floor for about half an hour with my legs crossed and when I tried to get up, my knees were completely locked up and really painful. It took me a few minutes to be able to stand up! I am such a granny....

Also, i had my implanon implant removed from my arm today. The injection to numb it absolutely killed, but the actual removal didn't hurt a bit. I was a bit worried about having my skin cut open when it felt so delicate and papery, but my doctor said it should be ok, as the incision was only about a cm. Has anyone else had surgery or any major cuts while on the tane? I heard it can cause you to heal more slowly...Also, I got a weird big white area where the injection went in, which worries me a bit - looks like my skin reacted weirdly to it or something.

So, not an awful lot to report, but I guess it is only day 4. I am so desperate to see some kind of change, I look at my face about every 5 minutes, which then just depresses the hell out of me. I think this is why tane can cause depression in people!

Thanks for the comments ali - hope it's going well for you. Keep strong!

BettyCherry xxx

Oh and does anyone have any recommendations for eye drops? They are so sore!

First dose reactions

2005-12-13T02:01:00.000-08:00

Call me crazy, but...

It's very possible that I am imagining some of these things simply because I am hyper aware of my skin and my body in general at the moment, but there seems to be some change already, after my first dose of Roaccutane. When I was sitting watching TV last night, my skin felt drier than usual and (I apologise if this grosses you out) I had this whitehead that has been there forever and I have tried to get rid of it for so long, but it was kind of solid and wasn't cooperating. But when I went to the bathroom, I noticed it had come to a kind of head and I squeezed it (yes, I know...very bad) and now, it's gone! I was amazed. It seemed to happen with quite a few of my other spots too. They seemed to have been pushed out a bit. There were also some blackheads on my chin that had come right up to the surface that I could just gently scratch off.

Also, my skin already seems much more sensitive. I use tea tree oil at night on the bad spots and when I put some on last night, it really stung for ages! Won't be using that any more...

This morning, I feel a bit dried out. My throat feels dry and my eyes are a tiny bit dry. I can definitely tell that my skin is different. Although there is still oil, it's kind of on the surface, if that makes sense and my skin seems dry underneath. My spots also seem less inflamed and angry.

I'm amazed at all this after my first dose. Can't wait to see what happens next, though I am kind of scared about the initial breakout - I reckon I have quite a lot of old spots waiting to make a comeback...

Down the hatch

2005-12-12T03:54:00.000-08:00

I drove over to the hospital today and after a lot of walking around getting lost in the hospital, picked up my prescription for the roaccutane and then picked up the pills from the hospital pharmacy. I am on 30mg per day, which from what I have seen of other people, is a really low dose. But they give it you in a really complicated way! Or, me at least. Instead of giving you 30mg tablets, I have to take one 20mg tablet and two 5mg tablets once a day. I am so going to forget that! I am definitely going to buy a granny pill pack now.

So, I just swallowed my first set of pills! They weren't too massive and are the soft gel type capsules, so are pretty easy to swallow. I got the real Roaccutane, not the generic stuff and the prescription cost the same as any other - six pounds fifty. I am actually really excited now about being on the tane. Just hope I see some results soon.

In other news, still feeling pretty sick from the Dianette, but the implant is coming out day after tomorrow, so fingers crossed I will see some improvement. Will post some new pictures a week from now, or before then if I see any changes in my skin or have anything to report. Wish me luck!

Good news!

2005-12-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

My blood test results came back and they were all fine, so I am good to go on the Roaccutane! I can go pick up my meds on monday morning and get started right away, which is great, because every time I look in the mirror, I swear my skin has got worse...

So, I have been on my Dianette contraceptive pills for 5 days, I start the Roaccutane monday and the implanon comes out wednesday,which means I have a bit of time where the contraceptive pill might not work and I have no implant. This means my partner and I will have to use "extra protection" just to be sure, and my dermatologist reminded me of that when she called about the blood test results, so they really mean it. There's so much to remember! I think I might buy one of those little pill packs, with the day and morning/night compartments, so that you know if you have taken all your pills. Bit like an old lady, but I want to make sure I am on the ball!

The Dianette is still making me feel pretty sick. I was beginning to think I could be pregnant, I was so nauseous all the time! (OK, so I would be the first case EVER to get pregnant with an implanon implant, but hey, you never know!). But, my blood tests tested for that, and I'm not, which is a huge relief. Guess it is caused by the Dianette, so just got to hope it goes away with the implanon on wednesday. Just can't wait to get started on the 'tane now!

Bleurgh!

2005-12-07T03:32:00.000-08:00

That's how I have been feeling for the past few days (since starting the Dianette) - totally bleurgh. I am hoping this will stop when I have the implanon removed - perhaps it is the combination of that and the Dianette that isn't agreeing with me. I am a bit confused at the moment about what happens next. I got a letter in the post today telling me I have another appointment at the hospital on the 6th of Jan, and I haven't had a prescription for the Roaccutane yet. Does that mean I have to wait til then to get it? I was hoping to be cured by then!! Seems like a lot of waiting. I think I might call my doctor...

Ok, no need to panic! Apparantly they are waiting for my blood test results to come back and then they will call me to tell me my prescription is ready. Then, I go into the hospital to pick them up. So that's that mystery solved! Fingers crossed I should be on them in a week or so. I have been looking at some other people's roaccutane journals and the results have got me really excited. I just want to get started! I have put the links to the other journals on this blog in the links list on the side there. Take a look, there are some great ones...

My spots are really itchy today and quite sore. I'm lucky I work from home, so I don't have to put make up on and go out. Instead I can hide in my house until it all goes away! I just want to say though how great my dermatologist has been. I saw a female doctor called Dr Hague who was so incredibly understanding and sympathetic, it made me think that she might have suffered from acne herself at some point. She was asking me if my acne had stopped me from going out and had it made me anxious or depressed? Yes!!! She was so nice, I ended up crying in the appointment, cos it was great to have someone finally accept the impact that acne can have on your life and to tell you they understand. She was ace. Thank you Dr Hague!

My new drug...

2005-12-05T03:59:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend, I picked up the prescription for my new contraceptive - a pill called Dianette. It's a really old school contraceptive pill that is said to be really good for the skin, so much so that it is now licensed as a drug to treat skin which happens to also be a contraceptive, rather than the other way round. This means that if you are prescribed it for contraceptive reasons, you must get your doctor to put that on the prescription, or you won't get it free like other contraceptive pills (as I discovered at the counter in Boots). Since starting it, I have been feeling a bit nauseous and had a headache. Not sure if this is connected, as I have only had it for 2 days, but it might be the cause. I still have my implant in and that's not coming out until the 14th. I am hoping that what I have seen happen to others won't happen to me - often, the acne gets worse in the first month, which means that there will be a scaly faced, spotty monster lurking in all my christmas pics this year!

Thought I would put another couple of pics of my skin on here today, as I actually had some remnants of the day's makeup still on my face in the first lot. This is my skin as naked as it comes. If you were just browsing blogs and came across this, I can only apologise and hope that you're not too disturbed...

My face day 1

2005-12-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

As much as I fear showing my face, I know that when I was looking around at other people's experiences with Roaccutane and Auccutane, I wanted to see the results. So, here are my "before" pics

Small steps on a long journey

2005-12-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

Today, I was prescribed a drug called Roaccutane, what I assume to be a close relative of Accutane. It is a drug for treating bad acne, and it has been prescribed to me because I have tried everything else and nothing has helped in the slightest. This blog will chart my progress while taking the drug and hopefully clearing my skin, but I will also be sharing any problems I encounter along the way. Everything you find on this site is opinion only and not anything approaching fact. I have no medical qualifications whatsoever, just a face full of big ugly zits that I want rid of.

I am a 24 year old woman and I have had acne most of my life, but never as bad as it is today. As a teenager, I got the regular spots on my chin and forehead and it drove me crazy, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. From the age of 16 to 19, my skin was actually pretty good and although I got the odd few spots on my cheeks and chin, I didn't consider myself to have acne. I then started to think about long term contraception - very responsible, you might be thinking, but I think this may be where my problems began. The first thing I tried was contraceptive patches. A fantastic idea - you stick them on your ass and you can't get pregnant! But, I found they made me really narky and moody, plus my skin reacted to "glue" on them, so I started looking for something else. I then tried contraceptive injections. These last for 3 months - even better! But my periods suddenly started lasting longer and longer until I eventually had to stop the injections and had a period which lasted 15 weeks. Not nice...

So, next on the list was a contraceptive implant. This seemed perfect. It lasts 3 years without having to worry about getting pregnant and was even said to stop periods all together or at least make them lighter and less regular. So, in went the implant. And out came the acne.

I must state that my skin had already started to get pretty bad before I had the implant. But I believe that messing around so much with my hormones was what started me on this road, and the implant has had a big hand in it all. Since having it, my skin has got worse and worse and worse and my personality has changed with it. My acne got so bad I didn't want to go out and I was afraid of getting too close to people in case they would see how bad my skin was. I always covered it pretty well with make up, but it became impossible to see myself as anything but ugly. So, I was referred to a dermatologist.

I started reading up about the links between acne and the implanon implant I had and found many other women who had suffered the same experience. Reading about it really helped me to make up my mind and have it removed and when I told the dermatologist about it today, they agreed it would be a good idea. They also prescribed me Roaccutane.

The list of possible side effects is pretty terrifying with Roaccutane. Dryness, eye irritation, aches and pains, thinning and dryness of hair, mood changes, sickness, tiredness, liver disease, seizures, diabetes, changes in vision, inflammation of the pancreas...like I said, pretty daunting. But, these are only possible side effects and the drug is supposed to work miracles, so I must stay positive. One of the main things they seemed concered about was my getting pregnant. Under no circumstances am I to have unprotected sex and I had to sign a form to confirm this. If I were to get pregnant on Roaccutane, the baby would be deformed and I would have to have a termination. All sounds pretty serious....

So, I now have an appointment for the removal of the implanon implant and i have a prescription for Dianette. Now all I need is the Roaccutane!